Do clients without kids care if their therapist is a parent?
What's your assumption?
It is a common experience for those of us who are therapists without kids to meet a client that seems to breathe a sigh of relief that we’ll get it. This makes sense, there is a definite ease in the room when you realize that the other person’s parent status won’t take up space.
Client perspectives about therapist identity has not been well studied in this area and I’m glad I included it in that survey from 2024 (I’m still working on the publication, I promise!). How does this play out in real life? Do nonparent clients prefer a therapist without kids, or do they even want to know?
Sometimes we don’t get to choose. Realistically, it’s hard to find a therapist to begin with, let alone in our insurance network or affordability range. One respondent said “I don’t care. It’s hard enough to find a therapist that fully aligns with my values AND completely understands being childless.” I think as clients embedded within an unwieldy and unfair medical complex sometimes we take what we can get and hope for the best.
But, when we can choose, here are the survey results:
I’d like to know, but it doesn’t matter either way: 23%
I’d rather not know: 21%
I’d prefer a therapist without kids: 31.5%
The other sector, 24.5%, were write-ins, with the general consensus that as long at professionals are competent it doesn’t matter. (I quickly realized that I had not given the response categories enough thought!)
If competency is clearly important, how do the responses define it?
A therapist who:
I just a ‘good’ therapist in general
Has the professional skill to put bias about parent status aside, despite socially condoned judgement
Refrains from bringing up their own lives constantly
Is interested in learning more about the client’s own perspective
Has a specialty in childlessness regardless of their own identity
Has experienced pregnancy loss and/or infertility, regardless of the final parent status
Aligns well with client values
Aligns with the client’s other identities first
With such an array of opinions and needs, there are many practical considerations. The biggest takeaway is that each client will likely have a different view of this question. There is a good chance that they will want to know your own parent status and could us that information to make a decision about working with you. The indicators of competency go beyond general skills to include being a good match with the client’s presenting issues and identities.